The Weather inside Is Frightful
by inalasahl
Summary: Complete: Wash and Zoe deal with snow in the cargo bay.


Archive: Do not archive without permission. Acknowledgements: I thank dirty diana and llaras for betaing. Any mistakes that remain are my own. Special thanks go to JaneEyre17 for the snow-in-the-cargo-bay bunny.  
  
jiao-zi: pan-fried dumplings  
  
Snow blanketed the cargo bay from one end to the other when Wash and Zoe walked in. "Honey, did someone forget to tell me we were opening a ski resort?" Wash asked. The snowmaker they'd picked up earlier ground along with a horrible sound, but there was no longer any snow coming out. It had probably been on for at least an hour.  
  
Zoe stepped into the mess, losing one shoe, as she made her way toward the machine. By the time she shut it off her pants were half-damp with slush.  
  
"Uh, Mal?" Wash said into the com. "I think you'd better come down to the cargo bay."  
  
"On my way," Mal answered.  
  
Wash scooped up some snow. "No," Zoe warned.  
  
"I was just going to start a snowman," he said.  
  
"Why don't I believe that?" she replied with a smile.  
  
Mal walked in a few minutes later. His mouth fell open. "What the hell happened in here?"  
  
Wash shrugged. "It was on when we came in."  
  
"This is not ... Zoe, there's snow in my cargo bay."  
  
"Yes, sir," she said. "But that's not the problem." Mal looked at her quizzically. "It wasn't working when we came in."  
  
"I thought you said it was on."  
  
"It was on," Wash replied. "But there was no snow coming out. Whatever happened ... it might be broken now."  
  
"Well, isn't that a fine mess of jiao-zi." Mal hit the com button. "Everyone get down to the cargo bay. Kaylee, bring your tool box."  
  
As the crew wandered in, Mal looked them deep in the face to suss out who was unsurprised by the winter wonderland.   
  
"Shiny!" Kaylee said when she walked in. "Can we play in it?"  
  
"No! No playing!" Mal snapped.  
  
"Grouch," she muttered.  
  
"Who did this?" Mal said.  
  
"Weren't me," Jayne said, in the exact tone to convince everyone that it had been him.  
  
"Jayne!"  
  
"It were an accident, Mal. I tripped and it turned on," he whimpered. "I didn't know how to turn it off."  
  
"So you just left it?"  
  
Jayne looked down. "Yeah."  
  
"Ugh!" Mal threw his hands in the air. "You do want us to get paid for this job right? To get paid, we need to do the job, Jayne. And the job is supplying this guy with a working snowmaker. Which we can't do now, because it's broken."  
  
"It looks like it worked just fine," Simon said.  
  
"Sure, it did," Mal snapped. "But Zoe said it wasn't when she came in. Which means we have a problem. Kaylee, tell me you can fix it."  
  
Kaylee was already looking at the machine. "Well, captain ..." she hesitated.  
  
"Just give it to me straight," Mal demanded.  
  
"I don't think it's broke."  
  
"Finally, something goes smooth around here."  
  
"But it's not going to work."  
  
"What? Why not?"  
  
"Well, the air tank is empty, but we got compressed air onboard Serenity. But this is also empty. See?" She pulled out a tray. It was indeed empty.  
  
"Okay," Mal said. "What is it?"  
  
"I don't know," she said. "It says 'nucleating agent.'"  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"I don't know, captain."  
  
"Book, Simon?" They both shook their heads. Desperate, Mal said, "River?"  
  
"Used for accretion," she replied. "To start the ice crystals."  
  
"In English?"  
  
Simon took over. "It could be anything small and lumpy, Mal. Like River said, 'nucleating agent' just means the core used to get ice crystals to start forming. But I don't really know what they use in snowmakers."  
  
"Great. Just great. Now what?"  
  
Book cleared his throat. "Maybe you could give him the snow."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Tell him the snowmaker comes with pre-made snow. But he's got to supply the stuff for the next batch. The snowmaker works. Did you specifically agree to supply, um, ingredients?"  
  
Mal started to look hopeful. "Good," he said. "I like that. That's good."  
  
But Kaylee shook her head. "Captain, there's no way to keep this from melting before we get to Boros."  
  
"Well, you find a way." Mal said. "Freeze the ship or something."  
  
Wash rolled his eyes. "Mal, a frozen ship won't fly."  
  
"So freeze a room."  
  
"How? How are we supposed to freeze part of the ship without letting the cold seep into the rest of the ship?"  
  
"I don't know," Mal said. "Just think of--River!"  
  
"River?"  
  
"We still got that box she came in, right?"  
  
"Yeah, but that's not big enough for--"  
  
"No, but can't you use the parts from it to convert a bunk to cold space or something? That's what it does, right? Keep things cold? I don't know, I'm not the mechanic."  
  
"It's not the same thing, Mal," Simon said. "The whole point of cryo-stasis is to freeze things without letting ice crystals form in the tissues. They're fatal."  
  
"So you know how it works then?"  
  
Simon realized his mistake immediately. "I know what it does to human tissue, that's not really the same thing."  
  
"Good, you can help Kaylee, then. Wash, you too."  
  
"Who's gonna fly the ship?"  
  
Mal looked around. "Inara!" he said.  
  
"Mal, flying this ship and flying a shuttle aren't exactly the same thing," Wash said.  
  
"It's just for a few hours, Wash. All she needs to do is monitor the auto-pilot and let us know if any Alliance patrols start sniffing around. She's not replacing you," Mal cajoled. Inara looked annoyed, but she didn't argue and she headed for the cockpit. Mal, too, took off before anyone else could argue.  
  
After some discussion, Kaylee and Wash decided that the best place to rig would be the captain's bunk. Zoe and Jayne started loading the snow onto whatever was handy and carrying it there.  
  
"What does this screen do?" Wash asked.  
  
"Displays vital signs," Simon replied.  
  
"So this might be the dewar then," Kaylee said, pointing at another part.  
  
"Sure. Why not?" Simon said.  
  
Bit by bit they disassembled River's box and hooked parts of it to Mal's room. Then they began sealing the room. There simply wasn't enough box to go around, but Kaylee and Wash had cobbled together some similar material from various places.  
  
Kaylee hung off the ladder, welding ceiling panels into place. "I'm ready for the next one, Wash," she said.  
  
"Careful," he said. "It's heavy."  
  
She took her hand off the ladder to grab the panel. As she was lifting it above her head, her foot slipped. She clutched off the ladder, dropping both the panel and her tig torch, which thudded onto Wash's head.  
  
Wash keeled over. Zoe was at his side in seconds. "Zoe," he whispered, his voice rough and urgent. She leaned closer and let a calm mask settle over her face.  
  
"I'm here, Wash. You're gonna be just fine." There was a lot of blood on his head, but she ignored the stickiness and put her hands right on his face. Simon tapped her shoulder. She moved to give him space, but she didn't let go of Wash. "What is it, sweetie?"  
  
"You never told me what you'd like for your birthday."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You have to tell me," Wash said. "It's my dying wish to know."  
  
Simon cleared his throat. "You're going to be fine," he said.  
  
"I know," Wash replied.  
  
Zoe looked at her husband. "Do you also know that I know a way to kill a man with my bare hands?" she said.  
  
"Just one?"  
  
"One is all it takes."  
  
Wash sat up groaning, but he didn't let Zoe pull her hand away. "I wanted to talk to you," he said. "Why won't you just tell me what to buy you?"  
  
"Because then it wouldn't be a surprise," she grumped. "I can't believe you, husband. You scared me."  
  
"You have a concussion," Simon said.   
  
"See?" Wash said. "You can't get mad at me. Any ill-conceived plans are strictly the fault of the head injury."  
  
Simon stood up. "You should have stitches," he said. "It'll leave a scar, but you've already got one on the other side from the bullet so maybe it'll balance out."  
  
"You do seem to make a habit of getting injured," Zoe said, which was her way of agreeing that the fight was over. Wash's way was to scoop up some snow and throw it at her. Zoe was sitting right next to him, but he missed her anyway.   
  
"You have the worst aim," she laughed.  
  
Kaylee wasn't laughing. Simon walked over and began brushing snow off her face. She only took a moment to be grateful before throwing her own snowball. Wash ducked just in time for the snowball to hit River who was coming in the door.  
  
The next thing Zoe knew, snowballs were flying everywhere. Simon opened his mouth to say something. Probably to insist that Wash go to the infirmary for stitches, but Zoe's aim wasn't as bad as her husband's and Simon got a mouthful of snow. Then there was screaming and shrieking and general malarkey. Kaylee, Simon and River ran around in the snow. Wash put his arm around Zoe. "Let's go make up," he said. It sounded like a damn fine idea.  
  
They almost made a clean get away, but then Mal was there. "What the hell is going on here?" he demanded. The neat piles of snow were gone, replaced by packed down places where boots had trod. Dirty boots. Snow dripped from the ceiling and slides down walls, the remnants of ill-aimed snowballs. It dusted the captain's bed and mixed with dirt and blood. Simon, River and Kaylee looked chastened for a moment, but then they started giggling.  
  
"Sorry, sir," Zoe said. "We were just on the way to the infirmary."  
  
"Are you done yet?"  
  
"Almost, Captain," Kaylee said.  
  
"Good. Then clean this up. I don't think tamped down blood and dirt was the kind of snow the buyer had in mind."  
  
Kaylee made a face behind Mal's back, but got back to work. Zoe, Wash and Simon headed to the infirmary.  
  
Zoe held Wash's hand while Simon sewed him up. He left them alone in the infirmary and went back to help Kaylee. Wash gingerly fingered the stitches on his head. "At this rate," he sighed, "You're going to be married to Frankenstein."  
  
She kissed his nose. "I didn't marry you for your hair," she said. "Besides, I like Frankenstein."  
  
"But my manly physique was part of it, right?"  
  
"Oh, definitely," she said. "That was the first thing I thought of when I saw you: That man has a manly mustache."  
  
Even Wash grimaced. "Okay, okay. The mustache may have been a mistake. But have you seen my arms?"  
  
"Mmm, yes. But most of all, I prefer not seeing them." She took his arms and wrapped them tightly around her. He started to pull her toward his chest.  
  
"Ow," he shrieked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Ow, ow, ow." He pulled his hand away. There was a thistle stuck to it. Zoe had probably picked it up earlier when they were collecting the goods planet-side.  
  
"Stupid thistle." He started to pull it out and then got a speculative look on his face. "Get me some tape out of the drawer, please," he said. She complied, giving him a strange look. He reached up and taped the thistle to the light. "Do you know what that is?" he said.  
  
"I have no idea."  
  
"Thistletoe!" he cried delightedly. He pursed his lips expectantly. She laughed, and they kissed.

* * *

"Here's your snow," Mal said. "And a snowmaker. It's out of nucleating agent, but that wasn't in our agreement so I don't expect there to be a problem."  
  
Zoe's hands itched, as she waited for the man's reaction. To her surprise, he didn't lose his smile. "That's fine," he said. "We've got plenty of dirt around here."  
  
"Dirt?" Mal said, his voice dangerously even. "Nucleating agent is dirt?"  
  
"Of course," the man said. "What did you think it was?"  
  
Jayne started to guffaw. "We filled your bunk with snow, because we didn't have any dirt," he shouted, pointing at Mal.  
  
Mal shot him a dirty look and took the man's money. As the three of them walked back to the ship, Mal said sheepishly, "Let's not mention this to Kaylee, okay?"  
  
"Wouldn't dream of it, sir." Zoe thought about Simon brushing snow from Kaylee's face. She didn't think the mechanic would mind so much anyhow.   
  
The End 


End file.
